In this American Pie knock-off, Matt (Josh Hartnett) develops a serious problem with black holes. And sex -- huh -- six months after being dumped by his girlfriend, he barely maintains his routine of dot-com-ing and one-night-standing. Plagued by personal conflict, he can't keep his hands (or other parts of his anatomy) off the nearby females.

But, bopping his bosco in a bevy of beauties becomes blasé. Matt gets put out with women who put out. He starts faking orgasms and hallucinating. Unhappy with the erection -- huh -- direction of his life, Matt takes drastic action.

Matt gives up sex for Lent. He vows to remain celibate for 40 days. That means no intimate contact, no porn videos, and no hand lotion. If he pulls this off… OOPS! If he succeeds, he'll improve his life, become a better person and save a fortune on condoms. He'll also learn that no orgasm lasts forever; sooner or later someone's got to order pizza.

His friends at work don't take the vow too seriously. Forty days? Yeah, right. Some say he won't last the day. So, they form a betting pool. Everyone wants a piece of the action, including all the females, who now lust after our unreachable hero.

Matt settles into his new celibate lifestyle. Needing something to do with his hands, he happily pursues a new hobby. Who knew detailing model cars could be so much fun without sex?

Then Matt meets the girl of his dreams. Erica becomes the love of his life, but Matt's commitment to Lent keeps him vertical. He pursues Erica with mental eroticism and flora. But a relationship without sex causes problems. Erica takes a hike.

With all bets final, Lent running out and half the female population closing in for the kill, Matt gets nervous. Will he fulfill his commitment to Lent, or will he succumb to the pleasures of the flesh? Will Erica learn to accept mind orgasms? Who will win the office pool money? Does anyone really care?

In 40 Days and 40 Nights, we learn to value a self-gratifying jaunt through masturbation land. Where else can we watch a 94-minute erection, listen to cheap dick jokes and not feel like we're being screwed? But Shannyn Sossamon looked hot, so I give it a "C."

Dixie Says: In an off-beat way, I enjoyed this cute movie. Growing up Catholic, I spent lots of time getting my knuckles whacked by nuns. So during the scene where the priest got caught kissing the nun, I thought, "Wait a minute! Catholic priests aren't supposed to do that. That scene needs altar boys."

I agree with the female characters. The power of denying sex belongs to us women. If we didn't wield this power -- and wield it often -- our trash would never be taken out, our commode seats would always be up, and our men would move us to Arkansas.

I enjoy a movie with lots of in-your-face sexual innuendo. I give it a "C" for "cute."

Don & Dixie Mitchell

Don and Dixie perform stand-up comedy for a variety of clubs in Texas and Louisiana. Recently, Dixie placed in the quarter finals of Ed McMahon's Next Big Star comedy contest. Don, a nationally published freelancer, writes comedy, poetry, and articles dealing in country themes. Don and Dixie also write comedy skits and amusing movie review articles, including "Family Fun at the Movies" at simplejoy.org.

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