Jeff Strand: Actually, she still hasn't read it! "Princess Janice" in How to Rescue a Dead Princess was named after her as a joke, but at the time I never expected that she'd become my girlfriend, much less my wife. It seems kind of sick now, I guess. I would like to assure everybody that while it was an Internet romance, it began on a legitimate message board, and there was never any chance that she would turn out to be some smelly 450-pound guy living in his parents' bedroom.

Pauline Baird Jones: Comedy is one of the toughest genres to write. Any tips, hints, etc., for aspiring comedy writers?

Jeff Strand: Yes, they should visit Jeff Strand's Seriously Whacked Home and study how he handles the delicate nuances of humor. However, the Web site alone can only teach aspiring comedy writers so much, so they should quickly buy copies of all of his books as well. They can read them if they're so inclined, but the act of purchasing should really be sufficient for the material to soak in, and they'll be well on their way to a productive career in writing humor.

Pauline Baird Jones: Will Andrew Mayhem continue to be afflicted in further adventures?

Jeff Strand: By golly, he will! Watch for Casket For Sale, Only Used Once, coming in 2002 to a Wordbeams Web site near you!

Crescent Blues: They seem to be at the end of their questions for each other, but I have more for each of them. I'll start with Pauline for this one. I heard, actually he posted it on a list we are both on, that Jeff had all four of his wisdom teeth extracted just recently. Do you thing this will have any adverse influence on Jeff's wisdom?

Pauline Baird Jones: As for Jeff, I suspect it will stabilize his wisdom. Or clear the way for wisdom to flow into him. I mean, we know something was going on when he ran for President of EPIC (the Electronically Published Internet Connection, a non-profit group dedicated to the interests of electronically published authors).

Crescent Blues: This provides a great segue into my next question. I know you are both electronically published, so what is your honest opinion of the future of that publishing format? What made you chose epublishing in the beginning? Would you do it again?

Pauline Baird Jones: I honestly believe that it will take off. Let's face it, we're a "take the easy route" society. Ebooks will eventually be more convenient, as well as light and portable. I do think they will be integrated into our computers, not dedicated readers, though I love my Rocket eBook Reader and hate when I have to read a paper book anymore. I don't think its going to happen as fast as I'd hoped, mostly because the technology people and the people who produce the books are still far apart. And the readers are still too expensive.

As for why I went into epublishing, it was because I couldn't get New York publishing to take me on. I got wonderful rejections. They liked my writing, but felt the stories I liked to write wouldn't resonate with readers. Yes, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Epublishing opened doors for me that had been very firmly closed.

Jeff Strand: I think electronic publishing has an excellent future...it's the present that isn't all that wonderful! But sales will increase, more people will see it as "real" publishing, and it won't be long before those portable reading devices are finally cheap enough that somebody besides technogeeks and other electronically published authors want to buy them! I chose this format in the beginning because the print publishers kept telling me: "We love this, but it doesn't fit our list." I finally decided that the print prospects for something like How to Rescue a Dead Princess were pretty close to non-existent. Yes, I would do it again, definitely.

Crescent Blues: Jeff, given what you have just said, can you look into your crystal ball and tell us where your career as a writer will be in five years? Ten?

Jeff Strand: More books. Better books. Longer books. Higher sales. Movie deals. Groupies galore. And a really cool computer adventure game based on the Andrew Mayhem series.

Crescent Blues: Well since Jeff is going to do so well, perhaps we should get to the serious questions, the ones dealing with the art and the craft of writing. Pauline and Jeff, what are your writing days like? Do you work regular hours?

Pauline Baird Jones: I try to work regular hours, but since I work at home sometimes I get hounded by the phone or the demands of being a mom. My son is an independent scholar, so there are a lot of distractions. But generally, I read my email in the morning, then get down to it at nine. If the writing is going well, I write and don't answer the phone -- unless it's my mom calling. If it's not, I play Solitaire or do Shockwave™ jigsaw puzzles. If it's going really badly, I go to a movie.

Jeff Strand: I get up around 6:30 a.m., stagger into my office, then read and reply to my e-mail. Then I shower, take care of various personal hygiene responsibilities, and head back into my office clean, fresh and sparkling. Then I'll spend the day writing, promoting, answering delightful interview questions, handling EPIC business, and various other writing-related tasks. I take lots of breaks, which either involve a quick walk around the block or goofing around on the Internet. I usually quit around 4:30 or 5:00 p.m. Most of the time I'll write in the evenings and on weekends, but it's optional.

Crescent Blues: I've heard many aspiring authors say they only write when their muse inspires them. Do you write from inspiration or perspiration?

Pauline Baird Jones: Both. Sometimes I slog forward and to tell the truth, when I go back to edit, the inspiration writing and the perspiration writing aren't that far apart. I "feel" my way through a book, so I have to stop a lot, pace around and brainstorm when I get stuck. And sometimes I have to stop and research a detail or a fact, to make sure I'm not doing something that isn't legitimate. Or at least within shouting distance of legitimate.

Jeff Strand: After years of writing, I've discovered that lack of inspiration is really just me being a lazy bum who doesn't feel like sitting his bony butt down and writing. I've never had writer's block. That doesn't mean I won't spend hours bashing my head against the monitor trying to work out a particularly tricky plot point, but the total absence of ability to write is just laziness and easy to overcome with some brutal self-discipline.

Crescent Blues: I know several writers who refuse to write on any of the newfangled things like typewriters and computers. I've found that a word processing program has relieved me of a good deal of worry about having to retype something, thus giving me the freedom to write knowing all mistakes are easily corrected. How do both of you feel about this? Do you use a word processor? Has it influenced your writing in any way -- as opposed to writing on a typewriter or by hand?

Pauline Baird Jones: I work on a laptop and yes, it has made me a lot faster. When I first started transitioning to a word processor from pen and paper, I'd have to start out on paper and then switch when I got the flow going, but now I can hardly write with a pen and paper.

Jeff Strand: I haven't touched a typewriter in years, and I've virtually lost my ability to write by hand. Everything I do, including story notes, is on my word processor. I even use a screenwriting program instead of formatting it myself. I don't think it has influenced my writing in any way, except maybe that I'm able to do more of it.

Crescent Blues: The advice from instructors and/or writing professionals seems to be divided on this, so what's your method of arriving at a final product (a rough draft of a work)? Do you use a plot outline? Or do you just start writing and chortle when something wonderful appears on the paper or screen?

Pauline Baird Jones: I wing it. I've tried to plot, but it sucks the creativity out of my work. When I'm done plotting, I'm sick of the story. I do stop and do plot checks as I go along to make sure that the story is building the way it should. But I'm strictly a seat of the pants, plot-as-I-go writer.

Jeff Strand: Since I'm pretty much incapable of sticking to an outline, I usually won't do more than type up a list of notes. I try to have an ending in mind, so I don't get completely off track, but experience has shown that if I write out a 30 chapter outline, by chapter three I'll have come up with a ridiculous plot twist that forces me to change most of what I'd planned for the remaining 27, so it's best not to waste my time by outlining more than a chapter or two ahead.

Crescent Blues: Most writers I know can't envision a future that doesn't include writing in some form. Are you any different? If you could no longer write, what other profession would you enjoy? Why?

Pauline Baird Jones: If I couldn't write, I'd want to be dead. I can't imagine myself doing anything else. My imagination isn't that good.

Jeff Strand: I'd either be in advertising or computer game design...although I guess my interest in both of those would be from a writing standpoint, so that answer doesn't count. If we remove the issue of talent from the question, I'd probably want to be an animator.

Crescent Blues: Jeff, if you receive a film contract for the Mayhem series, who do you think should have the starring role? Do you have a brand of chain saw in mind for product placement as well? Pauline, if The Spy Who Kissed Me (the excellent book formerly known as Pig in a Park) receives a contract, what couple do you see as the kisser and the kissee?

Jeff Strand: The name I've heard suggested most often is Bruce Campbell, who is one of my favorite actors and would make a fantastic Andrew Mayhem. But I think the best actor for the role would be Billy Crudup, who was the "guitarist with mystique" in Almost Famous. I'd also cast Owen Wilson as Andrew's best friend Roger. Since the chain saw doesn't appear until the second book in the series, it's far too early to start worrying about things like brand names.

Pauline Baird Jones: Well, I'll confess I modeled Kelvin Kapone on Lee Stetson of Scarecrow and Mrs. King, and I'd still like to see Bruce Boxleitner in the part. Of course, if he waits too much longer to contact me, he'll be too old to play the part. For Stan, I can see Meg Ryan or Sandra Bullock. Or Melissa Gilbert, bet Bruce would like to do a movie with his wife. [Grins.]

Crescent Blues: The field of play is constantly changing, so much so that beginning writers seem adrift in a sea of rejection from publishers and agents and contradictory counsel from teachers and books. As a professional who has achieved some degree of writing success, what honest advice would you give an aspiring author?

Pauline Baird Jones: It's a tough business, pace yourself and don't give up.

Jeff Strand: Don't let joining writer's groups, participating on listservs, attending conferences, talking in chat rooms, reading writing-related books, and visiting writing-related Web sites take the place of actual writing. Those things are all extremely helpful, but remember that the most important thing you can do is sit down and write books.

Crescent Blues: You have both been very honest and helpful, so I'll let you each have a final word. Is there anything more that you would like to tell your reading public? Any private crusade? Cause you espouse? Things you'd like to see happen in the publishing world (both paper and electronic)?

Pauline Baird Jones: I'll be involved in the literacy book signing at Romance Writers of America National Conference here in New Orleans in July. Because I love reading so much myself, I can't imagine not helping others learn to read. I'm excited by the future of publishing. I see a rare opportunity for writers take back some of the control over their work and the chance for greater variety in the books available for readers.

Jeff Strand: I used to have private crusades and espoused causes, but they started taking too much time away from playing around on the Internet so I got rid of them.

To learn more about Pauline Baird Jones, visit The Perils of Pauline.

Click here to read Patricia Lucas White's review of Do Wah Diddy…Die.

Click here to read Jean Marie Ward's review of The Last Enemy.

To learn more about Jeff Strand, visit Jeff Strand's Seriously Whacked Home.

Click here to read Patricia Lucas White's review of Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary).

Patricia Lucas White

Patricia Lucas White's latest historical novel, To Last a Lifetime, was an Eppie finalist for 2003. To Last a Lifetime and two of her fantasy romances, the Sapphire Award-winning A Wizard Scorned and The Godmother Sanction, can be ordered through Hard Shell Word Factory. Her recent contemporary, PS, I've Taken a Lover, is available from Lionhearted Books.

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