Go to Homepage   Editorial: Courtship Commandments

 

Just about the time people started talking about the lyrics of TLC's "No Scrubs," someone asked our marketing director Anne Hills Holland for the Ten Commandments. So Anne wrote down what she could remember of them. Bear in mind, she hasn't seen the inside of a Bible class in a while. 

10) Don't ask -- or even think -- "why isn't she married yet?" 

9) Never blow off plans with old friends for new boyfriends, except during the first two weeks when it's allowed by the Geneva Convention. 

8) Bear in mind that indoors cats are better than dogs. 

7) Small children should not be fawned on in the presence of other adults, mentioned frequently in conversation with adults who are not family or parents themselves, allowed to stay up past 9 p.m. or to drink caffeinated beverages. 

6) Every red-blooded man must be able to dispose of insects on command, quickly and quietly without jokes or any other type of editorial comment.  

5) Slap cash down on the restaurant table for your part of the meal without examining the bill at length or appearing to do major math in your head. (And never whine about paying for parking.) 

4) Never bring politics or religion into conversation with people you don't know well. Especially if you "enjoy a good argument." 

3) Be a gentleman; always open doors for women, etc.; and act especially graciously when you learn they make more money than you do. 

2) Never try to impress others with your finances, background or proximity to celebrity. 

1) Your shoes and belt should always be the same color. If the shoe is two-toned, the belt should match the darker color. There are virtually no exceptions, and these only apply to women. 

No way I can top that, except to wish you the very merriest of Mays. 

Jean Marie Ward