About a month ago, I got this cushy part-time job working at a video store weekday afternoons, which is great for someone like me, because if I develop a sudden urge to watch a movie, I can do it for free while I'm at work. Unfortunately, it hasn't happened yet. So far, I think I've watched The Parent Trap and Mask of Zorro about 253 times apiece. But, hey, any job where I get paid to sit for three hours and watch movies has absolutely no drawbacks. (Except for those six or seven guys in Depends ™; who continually ask me to dinner. Umm... Ewww!) 

Which brings me to Disturbing Behavior. Maaan, am I glad I didn't pay money to watch this movie. Obsessively glad. I may sacrifice a lamb tomorrow to my dad as thanks for getting me that job and saving me from spending three bucks to take it home.  

Disturbing Behavior tells the story of high school where all of the really popular kids are actually bloodthirsty science experiments with implants in their heads that make them go postal at a moment's notice -- your basic, normal high school. The only difference is that this high school has one of the kids from Dawson's Creek in it (Katie Holmes, if we're being specific) playing one of the good guys/unpopular kids. Oh, yeah, and a pretty decent soundtrack. And an albino. 

You want my honest opinion? The only redeeming feature of this movie was the albino. I swear! Not that he was a good actor or anything... far from it. But... but... he was an albino! I'm sorry, but any movie with an albino in it is kickin'. It's like when you put the Rapping Granny in a movie, or sneak in a few sideshow freaks, or have Ed Wood direct. Certain things just take two hours of wasted celluloid and make them worthwhile. (Did I mention the song "I'm Too Sexy?" Because I tell you, that song gives me the warm fuzzies in my tummy every time I hear it.) 

I'd have to say that if I ever watch Disturbing Behavior again, it will probably be because I've done something wrong (cursing, matricide, starting global thermonuclear war) and I feel the need to punish myself. Well, either Disturbing Behavior, or a Chevy Chase movie.  

Jennifer Matarese

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